LOVE WITHOUT ATTACHMENT

Rev. Hillary Dawes, PhD, SC-C

Many of you who are familiar with psychology have probably heard about the four attachment styles of relationships.   The four attachment styles are secure attachment, dismissive (avoidant) attachment, pre-occupied attachment, and fearful avoidant attachment.  This is NOT what this blog is all about.  Those are psychological models used to describe different ways people develop emotionally from childhood into adulthood.  Spiritually speaking, an attachment is emotional dependence upon another person outside of yourself for your own happiness.  It is where your ability to experience joy, feel love, fear, pain, and so on, all depends upon how those close to you treat you.  It's what psychologists call co-dependency.  

Emotional attachment is a spiritual problem, because it is often used as a substitute for love.  Emotional attachment makes a person feel that they have bonded with their partner, but the truth is that no bonding has actually taken place.  It is a one-sided relationship where one or both parties are clinging to a relationship where both sides are not seeing eye to eye, and are not connecting spiritually or emotionally.  Both partners are out of harmony with each other, and are operating on different wave lengths and out of frequency with each other.  You can't bond if there is disharmony and discord.  Disharmony causes conflict - not bonding.  So in order to correct the disharmony, some couples attach - meaning they commit themselves to stay the course of the relationship because they feel emotionally BOUND or attracted to each other.   They feed off each other's wounds, and the conflict continues, because what is holding them together is some subconscious attraction for each other.  Spiritually speaking, this is nothing more than spiritual bondage.  It is where you are bound, and tied up in a relationship that is not working for you, but you can't escape, due to being spiritually attracted to the negative relationship patterns.   You feel that staying is better than being in no relationship at all.  You feel that being free is not worth the agony of not having someone in your life.  You feel that all your chances of happiness in this life are wrapped up in this one relationship,and if it ends, you will never find happiness.   The attachment can get so bad that even when you leave the person, their memory remains lodged in your subconscious mind, and you keep re-living the relationship over and over again in your head.  I have known of people who were so attached, that after they left the bad situation, they immediately sought ways to get back their abusive ex-partner, resorting to even stalking behavior.  All of this is misinterpreted as love, yet this is NOT love, but emotional attachment.  

To love without attachment means that you can love without clinging or feeling needy, or feeling fearful of losing out on love.   It means that you are not afraid of letting go of relationships that are loveless.  Loving without attachment saves you from being in emotional bondage to relationships that do not serve your highest good, and that do not contribute to your emotional well-being.  To bond with another person is good, but to attach is bad.  Bonding is when you are both able to integrate and harmonize your lives, without violation of personal dignity and self respect.  The two partners complement each other, and thus are stronger as a couple.  There is no loss of your self-identity as in attachment, where mismatched partners try to force their personalities on each other.   In emotional attaching, one or both parties succumb to the pressure, at the cost of great unhappiness to both.  The most important thing to remember is that love is NOT attachment.  Attachment actually keeps you bound in bad relationships so that you cannot experience love.  If you want to truly experience love, then my recommendation is that you break the strong hold of attachments.  As a spiritual counselor, I can help you with removing attachments with my Emotional Baggage coaching program.    The program is as follows:-

Week One:  Making Peace with Your Past
Week Two:  Increasing Love and Appreciation of Self
Week Three:  Increasing Positive Programming
Week Four: Making Peace with God
Week Five:  Managing Stress

At the end of the five-week program, you will be able to sever your emotional attachments and find the freedom to find love.   For more information about all my coaching programs, please visit my website.  

www.hillarydawes.com

THE BLOOD MOON TETRAD

Rev. Hillary Dawes, PhD, SC-C

Those of us living in the Western Hemisphere were treated to a spectacular lunar eclipse on April 15, the very first night of Passover, the Jewish festival.  I was one of those who tried to stay up late to watch, but ended up falling asleep before the actual event.  I woke up at about 5:00 am, and rushed outside with iPhone in hand to see if I could catch even a glimpse, but it was all over, except for the receding shadow of the Earth darkening just a tiny piece of the brilliantly lit moon. Awww....I had wanted so much to see this......

If you were like me, and missed this wonder in the sky,  you will have three more chances coming up soon.   The next lunar eclipses will be on Sukkot 10/08/14, Passover 4/4/15, and Sukkot 9/28/15.   I definitely plan on NOT missing these.  

A lot of people are wondering if there is any significance to these blood moons, seeing that they all fall on Jewish feast days.   Firstly, let me say that lunar eclipses are nothing strange.  They are natural celestial events that occur from time to time.  Secondly, the feast days of Passover and Sukkot always fall on a full moon (Passover) or near a full moon (Sukkot).  Thirdly, lunar eclipses always occur during a full moon, so nothing strange there either.   Fourthly, the color of the moon during lunar eclipses is of a reddish hue, so nothing strange there either.   What is strange is the occurrence of these four lunar eclipses on Jewish feast days.   Watch the video below from NASA website that explains how lunar eclipses occur.

Much prophetic fervor surrounds the appearance of the blood moons of 2014-2015.  Pastor John Hagee, TV Evangelist, is one of the most ardent promoters of the four blood moons, attaching Biblical and prophetic significance to them.   As a spiritual teacher, I always try to see what, if any spiritual significance is attached to unusual occurrences in nature.  I believe that God does work through His creation to send messages to us in symbolic form.  While we may not listen to God speaking to us in our hearts, or even ignore His still small voice, the messages which come to us through nature are very difficult to ignore - they get our attention! What I have noticed is that everyone has seemed to have gotten a different message from this one event.  To the Evangelicals, this is a warning of impending doom and the return of Christ.   To the dooms-dayers, this is a sign of the end of the world.  To astronomers, this is an opportunity to learn more about our universe.    To astrologers, it's a sign of how the Earth is being 'ruled' by the activities of the moon.   The point I am trying to make is that we have all received different messages, that fits in with where we are in our spiritual journey here on Earth; so my message might not resonate with yours, and your message might not resonate with mine, because your message is for you, and my message is for me.  

So What Do the Blood Moons Mean to Me?

RED - fiery passion of the Love of God

PASSOVER - freedom from spiritual bondage in 'Egypt'

SUKKOT (FEAST OF TABERNACLE) - God 'tabernacling' within us, in our own 'tent' (body).  

IT'S ALL ABOUT LOVE!  

CHRIST IN THE HEART OF THE EARTH

Rev. Hillary Dawes, PhD, SC-C

For as Jonas was three days and three nights in the whale's belly; so shall the Son of man be three days and three nights in the heart of the earth.

~Matthew 12:40

This is NOT a reference to Christ being in the grave for three days and three nights. We know from Biblical evidence that he did NOT spend three days and three nights in the grave (Luke 13:32; Luke 18:33). Not only that, but His body would have started to decay if he had spent three days and three nights in the grave. According to the testimony of Peter, which was recorded by Luke, Jesus' body was not left in the grave long enough for it to start the decay process (Acts 2:27). The oils used to embalm Jesus' dead body were not embalming oils to preserve a body. They were sweet smelling oils which were traditionally used to mask the scent as bodies decayed.  Usually those oils are applied to a dead body - not a living body, but Mary thought it best to use that oil on the Living Christ, while He could appreciate it, instead of on a dead Christ. This was why Jesus made the strange statement, "For in that she hath poured this ointment on my body, she did it for my burial" (Matthew 26:12). 

By anointing Jesus for His burial two days before His death, Mary had essentially, and symbolically buried Jesus "in the heart of the earth" (Mark 14:1-3).  

BEING IN LOVE IS NOT THE SAME AS LOVE

What better feeling is there in the world than when you fall in love?  It makes you  feel light, and everything seems right in the world.  The in love feeling is one of the most blessed feelings given to us by our Creator.  It removes anxiety, and makes you feel stress-free and care-free.  Unfortunately however, the in love feeling does not last.  It's short-lived because it only lasts for a time.   It may go on for days, or months, or even for a few years, but after a while, the initial in love feeling will dissipate.  When that feeling goes away, a lot of people panic, believing that the have fallen out of love, and in a sense they are correct.  If you can fall in love, then certainly you can fall out of it.  We see this as a loss of love, and sometimes we do everything in our power to bring it back, hoping to re-kindle "love lost."

The truth of the matter is that the in love feeling is nothing more than the Creator implanting within our hearts the seeds of love for another person.   It is only a seed.  It is not love.  It comes about through chemical processes within our bodies, triggered by our desires and hormones, that cause a rise of dopamine in the brain, that gives us that high feeling of being in love.  As Tina Turner (famous singer) says in her well known song, What's Love Got to Do With It,  it's only a chemical reaction.  Since this is only the seed of love, and not love, then like any other seed, it needs to be watered and nourished in order for it to grow into love, so that it can produce more seeds of love, and replenish itself.   The mistake many people make is to consume the seed of love, thus not allowing it to grow into love itself.   So the key to maintaining this in love feeling is to plant the seeds of love in your heart and let it grow into love, from which will grow many, many more seeds of love.

"And he shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that bringeth forth his fruit in his season; his leaf also shall not wither; and whatsoever he doeth shall prosper" (Psalm 1:3, KJV).


If you are interested in being receiving love coaching, so that you understand how love and relationships work, I offer a Love Coaching Program that will help you understand love, and ATTRACT and grow love in your life.   For more information, you can also go to my website to sign up.

www.hillarydawes.com

ATTRACT LOVE INTO YOUR LIFE

Rev. Hillary Dawes, PhD, SC-C

"I am my beloved’s, and my beloved is mine" (Song of Solomon 6:3).

 Many people go through life seeking for that perfect relationship which will bring them joy, peace, and happily-ever-after in marriage. They are seeking for true love, which brings joy and happiness in life. Unfortunately, many people go through life seeking love but never finding it. They go through relationship after relationship, marriage and re-marriages all in an effort to find love, but cannot find it.

The Four Loves Spiritual Coaching Program is a four-week  program designed to teach you about love, and how you may find it.  Each week we deal with a different topic about love and relationships, which will open your mind and heart about love. You will learn what love truly is, how you can find it, and and also how to attract love in your life.   You will also learn about the role that relationships/marriage plays in finding love.

The program is divided into four sections, covering four weeks, and is as follows:

WEEK ONE: Introduction to the Four Loves
WEEK TWO: Sexual Desire and Lust
WEEK THREE: Marriage
WEEK FOUR: Universal Love

In week one, you are introduced to the four loves - agape, agapeo, phileo, and eros. You will learn what they are and how they interact with each other in God’s Divine plan, so that you can attract love into your life.  In week two, we explore sexual desire and lust. You will learn how to define each one,  and discuss the common confusion people have about sexual desire and lust. How could something, which is seen as sinful outside of marriage, can all of a sudden be not sinful within marriage, when it is all the same as far as feelings are concerned? In week three, we will look at marriage and compare marriage as a legal contract vs. marriage as a spiritual union. Is marriage the only vehicle in which one can find complete love? And finally, in week four, we will examine this concept called Universal love, and show how you can increase love in your life by practicing Universal love.

If you are interested in the Four Loves Coaching Program, please visit my website to learn more about it, and to sign up.   

www.hillarydawes.com

FREEDOM FROM FEAR

Rev. Hillary Dawes, PhD, SC-C

^“For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind” (2 Timothy 1:7).

Fear of the unknown, and its great power on us, was none the more evident than these past two weeks, with the mystery of the missing Malaysian airline MH370, with all its 239 passengers.    Not only were people fearful of what could have happened to their loved ones, but many were fearful as to why the plane disappeared in the first place.  The news media bombarded us with all kinds of theories and speculative reports as to what could have happened.  Social media was abuzz with conspiracy theories.   Reports ranged possible terrorist attacks to abduction by aliens, and even the rapture.   Hardly any scenario was left out of the imaginations of people, as they tried to piece together what could have possibly happened to that plane, and all its passengers.   Globally, the entire planet was gripped in fear as to what that missing plane might mean for us.  From the state of Israel taking extra precautions just in case the plane might come back as a missile to attack them, to other countries trying to assign blame wherever possible – blame the pilots, blame politics, blame hijackers, blame the Malaysian government.  You name it; there was lots of blame to go around.  

One thing we have learnt is that fear, once it takes a grip of you, has a life of its own.  Fear always seeks out the thing that which it fears to validate itself, even if it means making up stuff, and going out of its way to try to prove that it is not unfounded.  People see what they want to see, and believe what they want to believe, based upon their OWN fears.  Those who wanted to prove terrorism found ‘evidence’ of terrorism.  Those who wanted to prove hijacking found ‘evidence’ of hijacking.   Those who wanted to prove the plane was still around found ‘evidence’ of the plane.  For some reason, the plane loomed larger than real life, bigger than reality, and became the bogeyman now to fear.   The problem however with all these theories, was that they sent false hope to the families of the victims, that their loved ones could still be alive, only to have their hopes dashed with every false lead.   Because of all the false reporting, and fear surrounding the reporting, many family members became suicidal, as they were hanging on to every last thread of hope that was thrown at them, only to have that hope taken away from them.

As a spiritual counselor, part of my job is to bring comfort to those who are grieving, and to bring them back to a place where they can deal with their emotions, and grieve without falling into despair and hopelessness.  Psychologists have identified five stages of grieving, and they are:  denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.   Proper grieving involves going through all the stages until one reaches acceptance, but many times people get stuck in one stage or the other, unable to reach that place where they finally accept that their loved ones may be gone.   As a spiritual counselor, I help them to come to terms with their own beliefs as it relates to death and dying, and the afterlife.  Sometimes they may have dreams, visions of their loved ones, or feelings that their loved ones are still here and not dead.  I help them to process those feelings, and share scripture with them to bring them comfort and closure.  Sometimes deep down they believe their loved ones are gone, and sometimes they are in denial, ignoring all the facts presented, especially if there are no bodies to prove that their loved ones are gone.   In situations like where there are no definitive answers as to where their loved ones could be, I help them pray through their fears.    There is a lot of peace to be found in prayer.  It also helps to know that someone is there to give you support and help carry your burdens, so that you don’t have to bear them all alone. 

^“Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ” (Galatians 6:2).

Freedom from fear means trusting in God that all things are working for your good, no matter how terrible they look on the outside (Romans 8:28).   To have a trust like that takes deep faith and understanding, but once you develop that trust, then everything will begin to come together for you, and your mind will slowly be at peace.   Freedom from fear means putting away blame, anger, and bitterness, which only serves to eat you up on the inside, creating more problems instead of solving them.  Freedom from fear means understanding what life is about, and how everything fits into God’s divine purpose, knowing that “it is well” (2 Kings 4:26). 

If you are grieving because of you lost someone in your life, or you are struggling with chronic anxiety because of fear, as a spiritual counselor, I can help you sort out some of the spiritual questions you may have, and help you clear up any confusion in your mind, as well as help you diffuse the stress associated with fear and anxiety.  In addition to grief counseling, I coach you so that you can get your life back on track spiritually and emotionally, by removing the negative effects and toxic emotions associated with living in chronic fear and anxiety, with my three-week Spiritual Renewal Coaching Program.

Spiritual Renewal Coaching Program

The spiritual renewal coaching program is divided into three sections which will address three areas of your life where you can find relief for stress – physical, social, and spiritual. This is a three-week program, but at the end of it all, you should have less stress in your life, be better able to enjoy life, and most of all find peace with God, yourself, and those around you.

The program outline is as follows:-

WEEK ONE: Physical relief
-Physical exercise, therapeutic touch, and affection

WEEK TWO: Social relief
-Social activities, gratitude, relationships

WEEK THREE: Spiritual relief
- Worship, life goals, spiritual growth

For more information on all my spiritual coaching programs, please visit my website:  http://www.hillarydawes.com/

MY FIVE-FOLD MINISTRY

It's been a long time since I have been here folks - almost one year.   I must say that this has been one of the most exciting years for me in my spiritual walk and growth in the Lord.  So much has happened for which I am truly thankful.   I am posting today to unveil the five-fold ministry which God has inspired me with.  It all surrounds the topic of my book, "Surviving a Global Economic Crisis: A Biblical Perspective."  If you follow these five basic principles for living, your life will be filled with everlasting PEACE.  I know, because I live them.  Amen. 

Below is a post from my facebook page, which was posted on October 7, 2011. 

"In light of the ongoing economic crisis facing the world, I am posting my end time survival kit, or things we each can do to survive and even thrive in these difficult times.

1) PRACTICE SACRED LOVE - Sacred love is loving God and your fellow human beings (The Greatest and Second Commandments). Demonstrate compassion, care, and affection for each other. You cannot say you love God, yet do not show love for those around you. Share resources to help those in need. By the sharing of resources, you are helping others, and others are helping you to survive during rough times.

2) EXERCISE - Exercise for physical health and physical strength. You need health and strength to enjoy life, and create wealth. "But thou shalt remember the LORD thy God: for it is he that giveth thee power to get wealth." (Deuteronomy 8:18). "But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their STRENGTH; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint" (Isaiah 40:31).

3) FOLLOW A SACRED DIET - Eat for health and strength. Follow a diet that does not deplete the natural resources of the Earth as much you can, as such a diet actually strengthens you (natural diets vs. processed foods, organic vs. conventional, etc).

4) PRACTICE FAITH BASED ECONOMICS - Follow spiritual financial principles laid out in my book, "SURVIVING A GLOBAL ECONOMIC CRISIS: A BIBLICAL PERSPECTIVE." Learn how to avoid financial pitfalls and scams. Learn how God provides for your EVERY NEED, even in hard economic times. Understand what true prosperity is, and what is behind our sense of lack. My book will open your eyes to the spiritual workings controlling our finances, and how you can be released from the 'Babylon' mindset about finances, which is entrapping the world right now. A link for my book is provided below.

5) Finally, FOLLOW THE MIND OF CHRIST IN YOU! The mind of Christ within, is the kingdom of God within you. This mind of Christ allows you to see and process the world with a different mind set, with a different approach to life, which is different from the 'Babylon' mind set which is gripping the world in its vice. The mind of Christ frees you to enjoy life, and to reap the fruits of the Spirit such as love and joy, and gives you inner peace."

http://www.hillarydawes.com/