Sunday, June 29, 2014

Sacred Sexuality 101

Rev. Hillary Dawes, PhD, SC-C

We are so used to hearing about the negative effects of sex.  We are bombarded on a daily basis on the negative effects of sex with news reports of rape, sodomy, gang rapes, unwanted pregnancies, abortions, affairs, and sexually transmitted diseases.   We tend to warn our young people to stay away from drugs, violence, and also sex.   Sex is so powerful that it can bring down even the most powerful people in society.   Who has not heard of this powerful leader or that powerful leader being brought low by sexual indiscretions, love affairs, and bad marriages?   Donald Sterling was brought low by racial comments made to his mistress.   Bill Clinton was brought low by being caught in an sexual act in the White House, with Monica Llewinsky.  What about Senator John Edwards?   After his sex scandal/affair, we have not seen nor heard from him again.   With all the negative press about sex, it is very difficult to have a positive, healthy, attitude towards sex that is fulfilling and positively life-transforming.  Yeah, you read right.  Sex can be positively life-transforming; and it is, when you practice sacred sexuality.   

When you practice sacred sexuality, you will begin to understand the purpose of sex, and how sex can change your life for the good.  You will understand how the Creator built us for that, and why, and how sex can even contribute to world peace.   We are all created sexual beings.   Our sexual development is very much a part of our physical and emotional development.  Lack of understanding of the spiritual aspects of sex contributes greatly to the stunting of our emotional development, and is the source of lack of peace of mind in society, hence the negative manifestations of sex in society.   In sacred sexuality, whether you are single or married, you too can learn and appreciate how to apply the principles of sacred sexuality in your life, so that you can spiritually grow and evolve into a more grounded person, who is at peace with God and humanity.   

Because sex can be such a complex and controversial issue, I won't be able to get into all of it in one blog, so I have created a spiritual coaching program, designed to address some of the more basic issues, as it relates to sacred sexuality.  What I can say, as an introduction to that program,  is that we need to remove the negative stigmas, and return sex back to it's rightful place, where it all started - the Creator.  When we start to view sex from a spiritual standpoint, instead of just merely physical or moral, then we will truly begin practicing the art of sacred sexuality,  which will manifest for us the peace of mind and joy in life, that we all seek.   The sacred sexuality spiritual coaching program is as follows:

Week One:  Male and Female as image of God
Week Two:  Fornication vs. Pre-marital sex: Why They are Not the Same Thing. 
Week Three:  What's love Got to Do With It?
Week Four:  Emotional, Physical and Spiritual All in One 

Once you start practicing the art of sacred sexuality, expect to find more positive experiences in life, as you and/or your relationships heal.  You will find the world to be a much more loving and peaceful place, and most of all, you will feel fulfilled, and be at One with those around you.  

To contact me about sacred sexuality coaching, please go to my website, and fill out the contact form, and send it to me.

Sunday, June 22, 2014

Relationship Commitment

Rev. Hillary Dawes, PhD, SC-C

Dating is fun, but after a while, most folks want to know if their date is going to commit to them for a relationship.   The commitment question does not however end when they do enter into some kind of relationship, even when they are boyfriend/girlfriend.  I can't even begin to tell you the many times people in long-standing relationships worry about their mate not committing.  Without going into all the details of the different kinds of relationships that are out there (sex buddies, friends with benefits, monogamous/exclusive boyfriend-girlfriend, live-in lovers, common-law marriage, legal marriage), I am going to describe the three types of commitments that can occur in a relationship, and what they look like.  

Life-time Friendship

This is where partners are friends with each other.  They get on well, understand each other, enjoy each other's company, and socialize together.  They usually share a lot of things in common, and have common interests.  They do a lot of things together and are a good fit.  They are also very forgiving of each other faults, and are willing to overlook slights.   They tend to stick with each other through the ups and downs of life, and are there for each other through the good times and bad times.  

Soul Mates

Soul mates are like friends but they are mirrors of each other.  They see themselves in each other.  "I see you in me and me in you."  Soul mates are very comfortable with each other, and they complement each other.  What one lacks the other makes up for, and together they function as a whole.   Apart they are strong, but together they are stronger.  They complete each other.  


Marriage is a legal contract, where two people commit to take care of each other for the rest of their lives, "for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, 'til death do us part."   Because it's a legal contract, it is enforceable by law, and the two parties cannot get out of that commitment unless by court action - a divorce.  Ideally, you only want to enter into a legal contract, such as marriage, with someone who is at least a lifetime friend or your soul mate.  Entering into a marriage contract with anyone less, is signing up for spiritual/emotional disaster.  

As a spiritual counselor I teach people how to identify the qualities within their relationship that are for or against commitment.  In many instances, couples do love each other, but their love do not rise to the level to cause any of three commitment levels - lifetime friendship, soul mate or marriage.  In my love coaching program, I explore all three levels of commitment that can occur in a relationship, and help you lay the framework for being in a loving committed relationship.    For more information about my love coaching program, and to contact me, please visit my website. 

Ending Emotional Pain

Rev. Hillary Dawes, PhD, SC-C

One of the facts about this life is that you are going to go through emotional pain. Whether it's from broken relationships, bad marriages, traumatic childhoods, disloyal friends, spiteful people, or other life circumstances, we all have to face emotional pain at one time or the other.   It is just a fact of life that is, and therefore we need to learn good ways to handle emotional pain, and the long-lived hurt it can inflict for decades, even for the rest of our lives, affecting us physically, emotionally, and spiritually.  We need to know how to get rid of it, so that it does not permanently lodge itself within our subconscious, infecting our very being with its toxicity, and becoming an emotional baggage that we carry around for the rest of our lives, creating misery and inability to ever find happiness.  

Ending emotional pain happens one way and one way only - by practicing forgiveness.   Before I go into the details as to why forgiveness works, let me first explain what forgiveness is NOT.  Forgiveness is NOT pretending everything is okay when they are not.  Forgiveness is NOT pretending as if others are not doing wrong.  Forgiveness is a REALIZATION that people are going to do bad things from time to time, perhaps even hurtful things to you or others, which will cause pain, even emotional pain.   It's this emotional pain that lingers and causes you misery and unhappiness on the inside, long after the initial hurt was done to you.  Let's for example say someone made a rude remark to you or told a lie on you.  Yes, what they did was wrong, and it hurt you.   It probably cost you friendships, your job, or caused you to be wrongly punished for something you did not do.  What was done is done, but emotional pain causes you to re-live those hurtful experiences all over again, even long after the incident was over, and keeps you in a state of constant hurt and misery.  The more you re-live those hurtful experiences, the more angry, resentful, and bitter you get.   You might even start to hate the other person, and justifiably so.  The problem however, with these kinds of emotions that stem from emotional pain, is that they hurt you more than they hurt  the other person who wronged you.   YOU are the one feeling unhappy on the inside.  YOU are the one feeling victimized.  YOU are the one feeling miserable and alone.   After a while, the emotional pain builds up so much, that you start to feel depressed and anxious, and might even cause you to feel bodily pain as well.  It's not uncommon for emotional pain to cause muscle aches and pain, as well as be the  start for clinical depression and other mental/psychiatric disorders, due to the stress caused by emotional pain.  Read here how stress can be a trigger for major illnesses.  You can also read this article here as well,  that shows the link between emotional pain and physical pain.  

Forgiveness is you releasing from your own heart the anger, resentment, and bitterness that you have on the inside for others, and not carrying grudges any more.  It means that you come to an UNDERSTANDING  and ACCEPTANCE that people are the way they are, but you don't allow that understanding to cause you to develop long-standing bitterness on the inside. When you forgive, your anger is replace by pity for the other person's pathetic ways.  You become compassionate and realize that they are weak human beings with character flaws like anyone else (including yourself), and are in need of healing.   You also understand the fact that people are going to mess up from time to time and make mistakes, and that also, people are going to act out behaviors true to character as well.  "When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time" (Maya Angelou).   Put away your anger that you are carrying against people who are being who they are, or for mistakes they made.  This will go a long way in helping you to see them in a different light, and to quell the anger that is raging in your own soul.  

Here is what to expect when you forgive.   Your emotional pain is lifted.  Your physical pain might even disappear.  You will be at peace on the inside with yourself, because emotional pain is really lack of peace within oneself.   It is actually you being angry at yourself, and inflicting anger on yourself.  So therefore, not only do you have to forgive others, but you need to forgive yourself.   Forgiving yourself however is a feedback loop that depends upon you forgiving others.   You can't receive self forgiveness if you are not willing to forgive others (Matthew 6:14-15).   So forgive, and see your burdens miraculously lift away, as the grace of forgiveness enters your soul (Romans 8:1; Isaiah 26:3; Matthew 11:28).   Your inner world of peace will match your outer world of peace.  

If you are interested in ending emotional pain, I have a four-week Conflict Resolution spiritual coaching program that takes you through the steps of ending emotional pain, starting with confession and ending with restoring one's peace of mind.  My step by step program will change your life, and help you to end emotional pain, using forgiveness as the main tool.  The program outline is as follows:

Week One:  Confession - of one's weaknesses and faults
Week Two: Repentance - turning away from negative emotions
Week Three:  Forgiveness - letting go of negative emotions
Week Four: Restoration - of one's peace of mind

If you are interested in ending emotional pain and learning how to forgive, please visit my website to contact me.  God bless you!