Tuesday, April 29, 2014


One of the things I have noticed, among dating Christians seeking a spouse, is that many are seeking godly mates who love God, to marry, which of course is right.  Many assume however that a person who is "in love" with God would make a loving spouse.   Is it really true that love for God means love for people?  In this blog, I will explore this concept of whether religion plays any role in finding love.

Religion is our vertical experience of man to God, while marriage is a horizontal experience of human to human.   Just because you are loyal and dedicated in your church, are blessed and highly favored with spiritual gifts, and love God, does not mean that you are ready for marriage, or even have what it takes to enter into a loving relationship with another human being.   God's love for us is unconditional (John 3:16), so it's quite possible for a person to have a good relationship with God, and not be a particularly loving person.  Our relationship with God depends largely on God's unconditional love for us - not the love we have for God.   Our love for God is NOTHING compared to the love God has for us, and as such, we can easily deceive ourselves that we have a strong, loving relationship with God, when the fact is that God loves us in spite of our deepest faults.   So you could be the worst hater, spouse-beater, verbally abusive person there is, and yet be within the bounds of God's love, as His love is greater than all our sins, "...but where sin abounded, grace did much more abound" (Romans 5:20).  So in reality, you don't have to be a good person, who is all lovey dovey, to have a relationship with God.   You just need to abide in His love.

Marriage involves the ability to relate to another human being in a loving fashion. It requires people skills - not religious skills.  We know that is true because even non believers have good marriages!  As a matter of fact, in the USA, atheists, agnostics, and other faith groups have much lower divorce rates than Christians.   You can read about it here.  This goes to show that being religious has very little to do with having a happy marriage, and that being a Christian does not inoculate you from bad marriages.  Many of the people I give post-divorce spiritual counseling to are Christians.   What many don't understand is that the marriage relationship requires that one develops one's ability to love another human being, where you are not demanding love, but living in love.  To go around saying you want a spouse that loves you just as Christ loves the church is a great goal, but if you yourself are not emotionally in a place to give and receive that kind of love right NOW in your current dating experience, then your expectation is nothing more than a demanding,  pie-in-the-sky fantasy,  which will cause you future marriage problems, if you do ever get married.

If you are serious about finding love, and settling down in a good marriage relationship with another human being, I highly recommend that you take my Four Loves Coaching program, so that you not only attract love into your life, but become a more loving person.   I know for myself, if I had not found love, I don't know where I would be today.  After coming out of a very bad marriage, and years of bad relationships with men, I was finally able to break free from that vicious cycle, and find love in a relationship, that I am currently in.  I will teach you the same relationship/people skills and principles that I learned, which finally caused me to  break free from the cycle of unhappy relationships, and find love.

To sign up for any of one my spiritual counseling programs,  and for more information, please visit my website, and God bless you.  Much love to you.

Sunday, April 20, 2014


Rev. Hillary Dawes, PhD, SC-C

"The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly" ~John 10:10

Universally, most people struggle with lack in their lives, especially lack in finances and love.  Poverty and lack are real problems worldwide, with the naked, the starving, and the homeless.  Even in first world countries like the USA, we struggle with homelessness, high cost of living, debt, and unaffordable health care.  Many people are just one pay check away or one illness away from financial bankruptcy.  The same can be said for lack of love.  Singer Dionne Warwick made this song popular back in the 60's - 70's What the World Needs Now is Love Sweet Love.   It seems that there is a shortage of love in the world overall, with the wars, battles, strife, unrest, and political fights that are constantly being waged globally.   Crime is at an all time high, with killings and murders in 'peaceful' countries.  The seemingly upswing in school killings, with children killing children in our schools, has put us on all on edge, and intense high alert, as to the increasing lovelessness that is being manifested in every sector of society.  

Lack of love and lack of finances in our lives all stem from the same source - a mindset of lack or scarcity.  Yes, when we have a scarcity mentality, that there is not enough, it causes us to become selfish and self centered in our attempts to grab more for ourselves, because we feel we do not have enough.  So the person who feels that they are lonely and lacking love, will be out there seeking for love, and the person who has lack in  finances, will be out there seeking after that which you do not have; but are these true lack, or just PERCEPTIONS of lack?  Are we operating off what is real, or are we operating off what we perceive to be real?  The truth of the matter is that 1) we live in an abundant Universe where all our needs can be met, and 2) there is actually no limit to love.  Love is limitless, and thus is not lacking.

We live in an abundant Universe where all our needs can be met.  "But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus" (Philippians 4:19).  This means that all you need is here already, and there is NO LACK. Your perceived lack is temporary, and your need will be met, as all the resources will be Divinely provided.  Yes, we live on a planet with limited resources.  There is just so much square miles of land, so many trees, so many plants, animals, and people.  Yes, all that is true but that does not take away from the fact that there is more than enough provided for us all, because God is able to provide for us "exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think" (Ephesians 3:20).   Did not Jesus say that it was the Father's "good pleasure" to give us the kingdom? (Luke 12:32). Just because we do not possess the thing right now that we are desiring does not mean that we won't get it.  As long as it is a need, you will eventually get it.  The reason why you are not getting your heart's desire is because you believe in lack.  You see yourself as poor, unfortunate, underprivileged, and deprived, and thus you train your mind to think of yourself that way.   If you continue thinking of yourself that way, your life will manifest poverty, misfortune, underprivilege, and depravity.  You are what you think you are, thus when you think lack, that is what your life will manifest.  "As he thinketh in his heart, so is he" (Proverbs 23:7). You therefore need to correct your thinking, and bring it in line with the truth,and the truth is this: We live in an abundant Universe, and God will provide all my needs.  

In this abundant Universe, there is no limit or lack of love.  Yes, although we see an abundance of unloving behaviors all around us, the truth is that there is an even more abundance of love all around us (Ephesians 3:17-19; Song of Solomon 8:7).  It is just that we are so focused on what is evil, that it blinds our eyes to what is good.  When you live your life seeking for what you already have, you will never find it, because you don't recognize what you have.  When you live your life focusing on what you don't have, then all you will get is what you don't have.  Again, this comes back to the teaching of Proverbs 23:7 of whatever you think about, that is what your life will manifest.  So if you focus on all the bad things in life, then your life will also manifest those bad things you are concentrating on and giving your energy to.  "You get what you pay for" is the common expression used to show us that whatever we invest in mentally or financially, is what we reap.   Correct your focus to this truth, that love is all around us, and abundantly so, and you will find love.   

If you are having trouble with lack in your finances or love, as a spiritual counselor, I can help you to change your mindset, so that your life can manifest more abundance. Read my personal testimony here about how I managed to change my life around, by applying some much needed spiritual principles from the Bible.   You can do the same as well, when you sign up for my abundance and prosperity coaching program or my love coaching program, on my website.  For more information, please go to:

And God bless you! 

Saturday, April 19, 2014


Rev. Hillary Dawes, PhD, SC-C

Many of you who are familiar with psychology have probably heard about the four attachment styles of relationships.   The four attachment styles are secure attachment, dismissive (avoidant) attachment, pre-occupied attachment, and fearful avoidant attachment.  This is NOT what this blog is all about.  Those are psychological models used to describe different ways people develop emotionally from childhood into adulthood.  Spiritually speaking, an attachment is emotional dependence upon another person outside of yourself for your own happiness.  It is where your ability to experience joy, feel love, fear, pain, and so on, all depends upon how those close to you treat you.  It's what psychologists call co-dependency.  

Emotional attachment is a spiritual problem, because it is often used as a substitute for love.  Emotional attachment makes a person feel that they have bonded with their partner, but the truth is that no bonding has actually taken place.  It is a one-sided relationship where one or both parties are clinging to a relationship where both sides are not seeing eye to eye, and are not connecting spiritually or emotionally.  Both partners are out of harmony with each other, and are operating on different wave lengths and out of frequency with each other.  You can't bond if there is disharmony and discord.  Disharmony causes conflict - not bonding.  So in order to correct the disharmony, some couples attach - meaning they commit themselves to stay the course of the relationship because they feel emotionally BOUND or attracted to each other.   They feed off each other's wounds, and the conflict continues, because what is holding them together is some subconscious attraction for each other.  Spiritually speaking, this is nothing more than spiritual bondage.  It is where you are bound, and tied up in a relationship that is not working for you, but you can't escape, due to being spiritually attracted to the negative relationship patterns.   You feel that staying is better than being in no relationship at all.  You feel that being free is not worth the agony of not having someone in your life.  You feel that all your chances of happiness in this life are wrapped up in this one relationship,and if it ends, you will never find happiness.   The attachment can get so bad that even when you leave the person, their memory remains lodged in your subconscious mind, and you keep re-living the relationship over and over again in your head.  I have known of people who were so attached, that after they left the bad situation, they immediately sought ways to get back their abusive ex-partner, resorting to even stalking behavior.  All of this is misinterpreted as love, yet this is NOT love, but emotional attachment.  

To love without attachment means that you can love without clinging or feeling needy, or feeling fearful of losing out on love.   It means that you are not afraid of letting go of relationships that are loveless.  Loving without attachment saves you from being in emotional bondage to relationships that do not serve your highest good, and that do not contribute to your emotional well-being.  To bond with another person is good, but to attach is bad.  Bonding is when you are both able to integrate and harmonize your lives, without violation of personal dignity and self respect.  The two partners complement each other, and thus are stronger as a couple.  There is no loss of your self-identity as in attachment, where mismatched partners try to force their personalities on each other.   In emotional attaching, one or both parties succumb to the pressure, at the cost of great unhappiness to both.  The most important thing to remember is that love is NOT attachment.  Attachment actually keeps you bound in bad relationships so that you cannot experience love.  If you want to truly experience love, then my recommendation is that you break the strong hold of attachments.  As a spiritual counselor, I can help you with removing attachments with my Emotional Baggage coaching program.    The program is as follows:-

Week One:  Making Peace with Your Past
Week Two:  Increasing Love and Appreciation of Self
Week Three:  Increasing Positive Programming
Week Four: Making Peace with God
Week Five:  Managing Stress

At the end of the five-week program, you will be able to sever your emotional attachments and find the freedom to find love.   For more information about all my coaching programs, please visit my website.  

Wednesday, April 16, 2014


Rev. Hillary Dawes, PhD, SC-C

Those of us living in the Western Hemisphere were treated to a spectacular lunar eclipse on April 15, the very first night of Passover, the Jewish festival.  I was one of those who tried to stay up late to watch, but ended up falling asleep before the actual event.  I woke up at about 5:00 am, and rushed outside with iPhone in hand to see if I could catch even a glimpse, but it was all over, except for the receding shadow of the Earth darkening just a tiny piece of the brilliantly lit moon. Awww....I had wanted so much to see this......

If you were like me, and missed this wonder in the sky,  you will have three more chances coming up soon.   The next lunar eclipses will be on Sukkot 10/08/14, Passover 4/4/15, and Sukkot 9/28/15.   I definitely plan on NOT missing these.  

A lot of people are wondering if there is any significance to these blood moons, seeing that they all fall on Jewish feast days.   Firstly, let me say that lunar eclipses are nothing strange.  They are natural celestial events that occur from time to time.  Secondly, the feast days of Passover and Sukkot always fall on a full moon (Passover) or near a full moon (Sukkot).  Thirdly, lunar eclipses always occur during a full moon, so nothing strange there either.   Fourthly, the color of the moon during lunar eclipses is of a reddish hue, so nothing strange there either.   What is strange is the occurrence of these four lunar eclipses on Jewish feast days.   Watch the video below from NASA website that explains how lunar eclipses occur.

Much prophetic fervor surrounds the appearance of the blood moons of 2014-2015.  Pastor John Hagee, TV Evangelist, is one of the most ardent promoters of the four blood moons, attaching Biblical and prophetic significance to them.   As a spiritual teacher, I always try to see what, if any spiritual significance is attached to unusual occurrences in nature.  I believe that God does work through His creation to send messages to us in symbolic form.  While we may not listen to God speaking to us in our hearts, or even ignore His still small voice, the messages which come to us through nature are very difficult to ignore - they get our attention! What I have noticed is that everyone has seemed to have gotten a different message from this one event.  To the Evangelicals, this is a warning of impending doom and the return of Christ.   To the dooms-dayers, this is a sign of the end of the world.  To astronomers, this is an opportunity to learn more about our universe.    To astrologers, it's a sign of how the Earth is being 'ruled' by the activities of the moon.   The point I am trying to make is that we have all received different messages, that fits in with where we are in our spiritual journey here on Earth; so my message might not resonate with yours, and your message might not resonate with mine, because your message is for you, and my message is for me.  

So What Do the Blood Moons Mean to Me?

RED - fiery passion of the Love of God
PASSOVER - freedom from spiritual bondage in 'Egypt'
SUKKOT (FEAST OF TABERNACLE) - God 'tabernacling' within us, in our own 'tent' (body).  



Rev. Hillary Dawes, PhD, SC-C

For as Jonas was three days and three nights in the whale's belly; so shall the Son of man be three days and three nights in the heart of the earth.
~Matthew 12:40

This is NOT a reference to Christ being in the grave for three days and three nights. We know from Biblical evidence that he did NOT spend three days and three nights in the grave (Luke 13:32; Luke 18:33). Not only that, but His body would have started to decay if he had spent three days and three nights in the grave. According to the testimony of Peter, which was recorded by Luke, Jesus' body was not left in the grave long enough for it to start the decay process (Acts 2:27). The oils used to embalm Jesus' dead body were not embalming oils to preserve a body. They were sweet smelling oils which were traditionally used to mask the scent as bodies decayed.  Usually those oils are applied to a dead body - not a living body, but Mary thought it best to use that oil on the Living Christ, while He could appreciate it, instead of on a dead Christ. This was why Jesus made the strange statement, "For in that she hath poured this ointment on my body, she did it for my burial" (Matthew 26:12). 

By anointing Jesus for His burial two days before His death, Mary had essentially, and symbolically buried Jesus "in the heart of the earth" (Mark 14:1-3).  

Saturday, April 12, 2014


What better feeling is there in the world than when you fall in love?  It makes you  feel light, and everything seems right in the world.  The in love feeling is one of the most blessed feelings given to us by our Creator.  It removes anxiety, and makes you feel stress-free and care-free.  Unfortunately however, the in love feeling does not last.  It's short-lived because it only lasts for a time.   It may go on for days, or months, or even for a few years, but after a while, the initial in love feeling will dissipate.  When that feeling goes away, a lot of people panic, believing that the have fallen out of love, and in a sense they are correct.  If you can fall in love, then certainly you can fall out of it.  We see this as a loss of love, and sometimes we do everything in our power to bring it back, hoping to re-kindle "love lost."

The truth of the matter is that the in love feeling is nothing more than the Creator implanting within our hearts the seeds of love for another person.   It is only a seed.  It is not love.  It comes about through chemical processes within our bodies, triggered by our desires and hormones, that cause a rise of dopamine in the brain, that gives us that high feeling of being in love.  As Tina Turner (famous singer) says in her well known song, What's Love Got to Do With It,  it's only a chemical reaction.  Since this is only the seed of love, and not love, then like any other seed, it needs to be watered and nourished in order for it to grow into love, so that it can produce more seeds of love, and replenish itself.   The mistake many people make is to consume the seed of love, thus not allowing it to grow into love itself.   So the key to maintaining this in love feeling is to plant the seeds of love in your heart and let it grow into love, from which will grow many, many more seeds of love.

"And he shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that bringeth forth his fruit in his season; his leaf also shall not wither; and whatsoever he doeth shall prosper" (Psalm 1:3, KJV).

If you are interested in being receiving love coaching, so that you understand how love and relationships work, I offer a Love Coaching Program that will help you understand love, and ATTRACT and grow love in your life.   For more information, you can also go to my website to sign up.