Tuesday, April 29, 2014


One of the things I have noticed, among dating Christians seeking a spouse, is that many are seeking godly mates who love God, to marry, which of course is right.  Many assume however that a person who is "in love" with God would make a loving spouse.   Is it really true that love for God means love for people?  In this blog, I will explore this concept of whether religion plays any role in finding love.

Religion is our vertical experience of man to God, while marriage is a horizontal experience of human to human.   Just because you are loyal and dedicated in your church, are blessed and highly favored with spiritual gifts, and love God, does not mean that you are ready for marriage, or even have what it takes to enter into a loving relationship with another human being.   God's love for us is unconditional (John 3:16), so it's quite possible for a person to have a good relationship with God, and not be a particularly loving person.  Our relationship with God depends largely on God's unconditional love for us - not the love we have for God.   Our love for God is NOTHING compared to the love God has for us, and as such, we can easily deceive ourselves that we have a strong, loving relationship with God, when the fact is that God loves us in spite of our deepest faults.   So you could be the worst hater, spouse-beater, verbally abusive person there is, and yet be within the bounds of God's love, as His love is greater than all our sins, "...but where sin abounded, grace did much more abound" (Romans 5:20).  So in reality, you don't have to be a good person, who is all lovey dovey, to have a relationship with God.   You just need to abide in His love.

Marriage involves the ability to relate to another human being in a loving fashion. It requires people skills - not religious skills.  We know that is true because even non believers have good marriages!  As a matter of fact, in the USA, atheists, agnostics, and other faith groups have much lower divorce rates than Christians.   You can read about it here.  This goes to show that being religious has very little to do with having a happy marriage, and that being a Christian does not inoculate you from bad marriages.  Many of the people I give post-divorce spiritual counseling to are Christians.   What many don't understand is that the marriage relationship requires that one develops one's ability to love another human being, where you are not demanding love, but living in love.  To go around saying you want a spouse that loves you just as Christ loves the church is a great goal, but if you yourself are not emotionally in a place to give and receive that kind of love right NOW in your current dating experience, then your expectation is nothing more than a demanding,  pie-in-the-sky fantasy,  which will cause you future marriage problems, if you do ever get married.

If you are serious about finding love, and settling down in a good marriage relationship with another human being, I highly recommend that you take my Four Loves Coaching program, so that you not only attract love into your life, but become a more loving person.   I know for myself, if I had not found love, I don't know where I would be today.  After coming out of a very bad marriage, and years of bad relationships with men, I was finally able to break free from that vicious cycle, and find love in a relationship, that I am currently in.  I will teach you the same relationship/people skills and principles that I learned, which finally caused me to  break free from the cycle of unhappy relationships, and find love.

To sign up for any of one my spiritual counseling programs,  and for more information, please visit my website, and God bless you.  Much love to you.